


Chat Stories

by ssserif



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: ;-;, Attempt at Humor, Bad Jokes, Chatting & Messaging, Comedy, Cover Your Ears, Don't Judge Me, Gen, Genji Shimada is a Little Shit, Group chat, I'm so thirsty, Inappropriate Humor, Internet, Jesse McCree is a Little Shit, Jokes, Memes, Not What It Looks Like, Reaper is an edgelord, Roasts, Semblance of Plot, Some Plot, Swearing, Texting, Thirsty Hoes, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, This is trash, Why Did I Write This?, camilla is part of the illuminati, camilla is spoiled, chatfic, chatroom, chiara is a crackhead, chiara is a mess, clapbacks, doomfist is daddy, doomfist is goals, everyone's a little shit, i ship everyone, jesse mccree x hanzo makes me thirsty, kass is a druglord, kass is an ass, mccree is bi, my ocs suck balls, reaper shops at hot topic, reggie is a queen and a king, reggie is gay af, shitpost, sombra is a scammer, sombra is... sombra, veronica is a scammer, veronica is insane, widow x tracer for life, widowmaker is clueless
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-19 23:10:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18980263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssserif/pseuds/ssserif
Summary: Overwatch characters / ocs talk to each other over text messages - usually roasting each other





	1. _ I

**Author's Note:**

> what have i done?

**_Kass_** : you guys awake?

 ** _Camilla_** : yaas, queen

 ** _Chiara_** : oui, Mademoiselle

♥  ** _Ronnie_** ♥: it's 2 am, Kass, and we have school tomorrow. the fuck?

 ** _Kass_** : Veronica, bitch, don't be starting with that drama-filled shit when u just be getting back from the club.

 ** _Kass_** : boo, you just as bad as me, if not worst. how irresponsible your parents be to let their daughter go to clubs at 9 pm by herself? if I'm not asleep by 9, my mom be reaching for the belt.

♥  ** _Ronnie_** ♥: alright, we doing this right now, Reid? fine, just remember you asked for this.

♥  ** _Ronnie_** ♥: where do I start? them rags you wear to school are considered clothes by you, are they? boo be calling my parents irresponsible when yours sending their daughter to school in some dusty ass, half-rotting peasant shit.

♥  ** _Ronnie_** ♥: I KNOW yo dingy, broke ass ain't here telling me how to live my life when u here, being a little snooty bitch talking about how you like rainy ass England more than America. have you seen the English weather? bitch be more bipolar than me.

 ** _Camilla_** : umm, aren't you British too, Veronica?

♥  ** _Ronnie_** ♥: Camilla, I need to ROAST you. Old, no-eyebrows, fake ass bitch up in here. you think I don't know you be chatting shit about me behind my back? now what you don't know is that I be talking to Reggie. NOW WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW is that he be telling me that you be telling  _him_  that my teeth are fake. 

 ** _Chiara_** : but they are fake.

♥  ** _Ronnie_** ♥: hold up, Chiara, I'm gonna get to you later.

♥  ** _Ronnie_** ♥: look, hoe, my teeth are fake, I'll admit it. I don't give a shit what you think, boo. I was playing football since I was like 6, do you know the number of balls that be flying at my face, knocking out my teeth?

 ** _Kass_** : are we talking footballs here or something else?

♥  ** _Ronnie_** ♥: bitch, shut yo ass up, imma get back to you, just wait. anyway, do you know how much these cost me, Camilla?

 ** _Camilla_** : more than your breast implants?

♥  ** _Ronnie_** ♥: that would be correct Camilla. Cause my implants cost nothing, boo. unlike you, my family got good genes, the only good genes you have is money, old flat-chested ass. my teeth cost me 40k, more than Kass' weave and Chiara's fake ass Gucci she always hauling around.

♥  ** _Ronnie_** ♥: now let's talk about Chiara, the queen of plastic. remember in year 1 when you were like 'I wanna be Barbie when I grow up'. bish, sit yo old, plastic ass down. I got nothing against implants, but you here acting like you were born like that. bitch expects us to believe she just pops out the womb with weave and foundation. boo, I don't think so.

♥  ** _Ronnie_** ♥: but let's not forget about Kass. old, lightweight ass passing out when she takes a sip of beer. I gotta say you been quiet on the comebacks, can't think of any or are you still trying to smooth down them edges? hoe, you ever heard of edge control?

 ** _Kass_** : you're one to talk or are you just jealous that you ain't got no edges? my girl be putting her hair up in them tight-ass ponytails, my girl be ripping out her edges and she too dumb to tell. and can I point out the HYPOCRISY with u calling Chiara plastic? you wanna call them bazookas natural? 

 ** _Kass_** : does your plastic surgeon pump up car tires? and let me talk about them lips. old, fish-lips looking ass. i can just hear the liquid inside them when you talk, boo. it goes swish, swish. imma little concerned honestly, BUT IMMA LET IT SLIDE. 

 ** _Kass_** : and you be calling my clothes peasant rags? at least I accept that, whilst you can't admit that you ain't cute wearing those pastel clothes. that shit was only cute when you were like 10 and you still haven't changed. yo ass pretending you still fit in that shit from 8 years ago yet yo SAME ass be saying that you busty and curvy and tall. like what?

 ** _Camilla_** : damn, Kass, you going off, but I HAVE to point out your hypocrisy. you think your vintage, '90s style be poppin'? shit was old before you started wearing them mom jeans and those tacky ass sweater vests. bitch, have you heard of complementary colours? 

 ** _Chiara_** : Camilla, pack your ass up and sit the fuck down, old, back-stabbing ass.

 ** _Camilla_** : YO I KNOW CHIARA FAKE BARBIE ASS AIN'T TRYNA ROAST ME. sit your bloated ass down before I rupture them implants. little, attention seeking ass. remember when you were vegan for a week because you wanted to be friends with Kass. remember when you whipped out a tampon in the middle of class just so you could get outta work. good thing it was clean, nobody be wanting to be near some used, soggy tampon.

 ** _Camilla_** : who even uses tampons? have you heard of toxic shock, my girl? damn, toxic shock and crabs don't go well together, honey. go see a gynaecologist, ffs. i'm done.

 _ **Camilla** has left the chat_.

♥  ** _Ronnie_** ♥: ugh, bye.

♥  _ **Ronnie**  _♥  _has left the chat_.

 ** _Kass_** : night, night.

 _ **Kass** has left the chat_.

 ** _Chiara_** : these bitches are crazy...


	2. _ II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> utter insanity

 

 ** _Veronica_** : alright, how about we try that again?

 ** _Amelie_** : Try what again?

 ** _Kass_** : look at the texts from earlier, smurf.

 ** _Sombra_** : damn, you guys went off on each other

 

 _ **Camilla**  has joined the chat_. 

 _ **Camilla**  has left the chat_.

 

 ** _Veronica_** : Camilla, get your ass back here. 

 

_**Camilla**  has joined the chat._

 

 ** _Camilla_** : are we gonna roast each other again?

 ** _Veronica_** : ffs

 ** _Kass_** : don't be saying ffs when you were the reason we were roasting each other earlier.

 ** _Veronica_** : Kass, my therapist told me I should be more accepting and kind so I'm just gonna ignore your ass for the time being

 ** _Kass_** : since when did you have a therapist?

 ** _Veronica_** : I don't know, how about u ask your mother?

 ** _Camilla_** : oof.

 ** _Kass_** : real classy, Veronica. 

 ** _Camilla_** : this... 🤣😂

 

 _loading gif_...

 

      

 

 ** _Camilla_** : so, are you guys gonna roast each other now?

 ** _Kass_** : ...

 ** _Veronica_** : ...

 

 _ **Kass**  has left the chat_.

 _ **Veronica**  has left the chat_.

 

 ** _Camilla_** : what... what did I say?

 ** _Sombra_** : you used two emojis in one sentence, man... that's against the bro code.

 ** _Amelie_** : But... we are not... 'bros'

 ** _Sombra_** : 😑, stfu, Smurfette

 ** _Amelie_** : Why is everyone calling me 'Smurfette'?

 ** _Camilla_** : because you're blue

 

 _ **Chiara**_   _has entered the chat_.

 

 ** _Chiara_** : yo guys

 **Camilla** : it's about time your fake ass got here

 ** _Chiara_** : don't even start today, Cam. you just salty cause you got roasted in French class. 

 ** _Camilla_** : says the person who spent the majority of their childhood in FRANCE who has to take a fucking French course. 

 ** _Chiara_** : bitch, I only did that so I can get easy grades. 🙄

 

 _ **THE BOI SQUAD**  has joined the chat_.

 _ **Kass**  has joined the chat_.

 _ **Veronica**  has joined the chat_.

 

 ** _Camilla_** : WTF invited you guys to the chat?

 ** _Sombra_** : WTF stands for 'what the fuck' not 'who the fuck'. 

 ** _Camilla_** : say one more word Sombra and I  _will_  dropkick your ass to China.

 ** _Sombra_** : Try me.

 ** _Camilla_** : gurl, just wait. now WHO THE HELL invited y' all? 

 ** _Chiara_** : 😳

 ** _Kass_** : 😂

 ** _Veronica_** : *coughs*

 ** _Camilla_** : WHO WAS IT?

 ** _Kass_** : ...

 ** _Veronica_** : ....

 ** _Chiara_** : .............

 ** _Camilla_** : I'll give you a Gucci bag if you tell me.

 ** _Reggie_** : yo, ain't no-one want your fake ass Gucci - shit's more plastic than Veronica's dentures

 ** _Veronica_** : Reggie, if u weren't Kass' brother, I would've kicked your ass back to Kingston.

 ** _Sombra_** : wait... THEY'RE RELATED??? 

 ** _Kass_** : ...

 ** _Reggie_** : ...

 ** _Veronica_** : how'd you not notice the resemblance?

 ** _Chiara_** : maybe because our creator hasn't mentioned it at all in the main story and only in the spinoffs. hmmm?

 ** _Camilla_** : tea. 

 ** _Veronica_** : yo, you know she can Thanos snap and we'd all be gone, right?

 ** _Sombra_** : she can't Thanos snap us, only Lord Kaplan can do that.

 ** _edge mcedgelordy so edgelordy_** : can we get back to the story???

 ** _Camilla_** : oh yeah, so WHO THE FUCK LET Y'ALL IN? GIRLS ONLY!!!

 ** _jessai MACAREE_** : says the girl who tried to walk into the boy's bathrooms.

 ** _Chiara_** : mmm, tea. ☕

 ** _Camilla_** : THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!! 

 ** _Camilla_** : OH SHIT.

 ** _Reggie_** : what is it?

 ** _Camilla_** : I CAN'T TURN CAPS-LOCK OFF...

 ** _gengu mada mada_** : you can afford Gucci but not a decent phone?

 ** _Camilla_** : YO LISTEN UP, OLD CARROT-LOOKING ASS

 ** _Kass_** : tsundere much?

 ** _Camilla_** : says the girl who... oh shit, my phone's fixed

 ** _Kass_** : who what bitch? 

 ** _Camilla_** : oh nothing

 ** _Kass_** : that's what I thought, hoe

 ** _Chiara_** : how are we all still friends?

 ** _Veronica_** : who the fuck knows

 ** _Sombra_** : no swearing in the Christian Minecraft Server!

 ** _Amelie_** : what is... Minecraft?

 ** _Everyone else_** : ...

 

_**Kass**  has left the chat._

_**THE BOI SQUAD** has left the chat._

_**Veronica**  has left the chat._

_**Camilla** has left the chat._

**_Sombra_**   _has left the chat._

 ** _Chiara_**   _has left the chat._

 

 ** _Amelie_** : Can you all please come back?

 

_**Kass**  has joined the chat._

_**THE BOI SQUAD** has joined the chat._

_**Veronica**  has joined the chat._

_**Camilla** has joined the chat._

**_Sombra_**   _has joined the chat._

 ** _Chiara_**   _has joined the chat._

 

 ** _Kass_** : alright, let's try that again

 ** _Veronica_** : screw that, imma roast y'all

 ** _Chiara_** : Veronica, what the fuck???

 ** _Veronica_** : alright, let's start with Lil' Miss Barbie. Chiara Paris, sit your ass down. why is 99.9999% of your body silicone and plastic? who the fuck is paying for your implants, your sugar daddy? 

 ** _Veronica_** : your basic bitch ass wants to pretend that you so ugly and relatable. how anyone supposed to relate to getting their sugar daddy to shell out a couple grand for some gross ass implants. girl how do you sit down? TOP TEN QUESTIONS SCIENCE CAN'T ANSWER: how does Chiara Paris sit down without her implants popping?

 ** _Veronica_** : and how come no-one's mentioned that your last name's Paris? bitch, I KNOW that ain't your real last name. am I supposed to be called Veronica London? Is Kass supposed to be called Kassandra Kingston? Is Camilla supposed to be Camilla Rome?

 ** _Veronica_** : how come your name sounds like a stripper name?

 ** _Camilla_** : oof, go Veronica. 👀

 ** _Chiara_** : you know I'm not petty enough to respond to that lukewarm diss, but Camilla, I gotta roast you.

 ** _Veronica_** : sure, Jan

 ** _jessai MACAREE_** : get the popcorn🍿

 ** _Reggie_** : yaas, drag her queen

 ** _gengu mada mada_** : ☕

 ** _Chiara_** : alright, Cam, tell me why you acting like you and Veronica friends when she snatched your nasty ass weave yesterday? 🤔. 

 ** _Chiara_** : everyone calling me fake when you out here pretending to be everyone's friend to their face, but then backstabbing them. like, bitch what?

 ** _Chiara_** : I guess that's what happens when your parents never pay attention to you. you try and get attention any way you can. if you need help just ask, boo-boo.

 ** _Chiara_** : and why everyone saying that I have implants done??? it isn't my fault that you all are flat. I recommend stuffing tissues into your bra, hon.

 ** _Chiara_** : also, what is up with them hair extensions? you know they're supposed to be discreet? I can see your nasty ass roots, ain't no-one wanna see that.

 ** _Kass_** : my weave has entered orbit. 💀😂

 ** _Camilla_** : 🙄. please, that diss was so mild it couldn't even cook a well-done steak.

 ** _edge mcedgelordy so edgelordy_** : weird flex, but ok.

 ** _Kass_** : 😂

 ** _Camilla_** : ugh. you know what? fuck it, I'm done being the nice girl.

 ** _Sombra_** : since when were you the nice girl, you backstabbing bitch?

 ** _Camilla_** : screw this, imma roast all of you - starting with Miss Bimbo aka Chipotle Barbie aka Basic Bitch aka Chiara. you honestly out here trying to claim that you haven't had implants done?

 ** _Camilla_** : remember when you got hit in the face by a basketball and your nose broke and your nose was crooked ever since, but now your nose perfectly in line? 🤔, shit ain't making no sense. 

 ** _Camilla_** : then you have the metaphorical BALLS to try and psychoanalyse me. BITCH IF I HAVE PROBLEMS, YOU HAVE PROBLEMS TOO. you think trying to make yourself into a silicone doll is healthy? did all the plastic and chemicals finally seep into your brain? 

 ** _Camilla_** : and do my roots look nasty? well have you SEEN your fake tan? my girl, you look like a Dorito. 

 ** _Chiara_** : ok, sweetie.

 ** _Camilla_** : bitch, don't 'ok, sweetie' me. has no-one noticed that you never clap back, you just sit there, acting like you above it all. yet you the first person being petty and spilling the tea.

 ** _Kass_** : ...

 ** _Camilla_** : got nothing to say, Kass? I guess this will be a one-sided roast then.

 ** _Kass_** : one-sided like your relationship with your crush?

 ** _Veronica_** : 💀

 ** _Sombra_** : weave is officially snatched

 ** _Chiara_** : 👀

 ** _Amelie_** : oh my

 **edge mcedgelordy so edgelordy** : oof

 ** _gengu mada mad_** _ **a**_ : ☕

 ** _jessai MACAREE_** : oh shit

 ** _Reggie_** : yo, this is why I don't fuck with Kass

 ** _Camilla_** : ... 

 ** _Camilla_** : just wait til tomorrow, hoe

 ** _Kass_** : sure, Jan. I know you won't do shit - you just act ratchet.

 ** _Veronica_** : you stole that from Iggy Azalea

 ** _Kass_** : glad you get the reference, Veronica. 

 ** _Kass_** : but Cam, I'm so sick of your backstabbing ass. girl you are so vapid, you think the earth is flat. I guess your ass and the Earth have something in common, don't they? you know, I think you're gonna grow up to be one of those air-head actresses that get hooked on prescription drugs and spend the rest of their life in tabloids. 

 ** _Kass_** : like, no shade, but the pouty face shit you always do is so not cute. you'd look cuter if someone wiped their jizz on your chin, but I guess you're used to that happening, aren't you? 

 ** _Veronica_** : ...

 ** _Kass_** : and can you please include your forehead in your selfies, I know it probably can't fit, but at least make an effort.

 ** _Kass_** : I can't decide whether you're the town bicycle with daddy issues or if my grandma gets laid more often than your dusty ass

 ** _Kass_** : you know, you don't need to use condoms, Cam, the sperm cells are naturally repulsed by the amount of STDs you have. I rest my case.

_**Kass**  has left the chat._

_**Camilla**  has left the chat._

_**jessai MACAREE**_ : damn...

 


	3. _ III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi.

**_Kass_** : Hey, sisters!!!

 ** _Camilla_** : ...

 ** _Reggie_** : Cam still hasn't recovered from that fire roast. 🤣

 ** _Camilla_** : yo, I'm gonna try and be nice to y'all from now on, k?

 ** _Sombra_** : cool

 ** _Veronica_** : yeah, that's all we wanted 🤷♀️

 ** _Camilla_** : bitch- you know what, imma let your fake ass slide.

 

 _ **Doomfist**  has joined the chat_.

 

 **Doomfist** : Sombra, why the fuck did you invite me here?

 ** _Veronica_** : fist me, daddy. 🤜👌

 ** _Camilla_** : Veronica, what the fuck?

 ** _Doomfist_** : this is exactly why I didn't want to come here.

 ** _Veronica_** : 🥺

 ** _Sombra_** : lol

 

 _**Chiara**  has joined the chat_.

 

 ** _Chiara_** : sup, guys

 ** _Reggie_** : hey, Chi-Chi

 ** _Camilla_** : what is this, Dragon Ball?

 ** _Reggie_** : oh yeah, guess what?

 ** _Kass_** : what?

 ** _Reggie_** : I heard that there's gonna be a new girl joining our class.

 ** _Veronica_** : 👀

 ** _Amelie_** : What's her name?

 ** _Reggie_** : Mercedes

 ** _Veronica_** : ...

 ** _Kass_** : Mercedes-Benz?

 ** _Camilla_** : 😂

 ** _Chiara_** : didn't know the new girl was a car

 ** _Sombra_** : Veronica, why you silent?

 ** _Kass_** : yeah, Veronica. is she your ex?

 ** _Camilla_** : I wouldn't be surprised, she sleeps with anything that walks.

 ** _Doomfist_** : pot, meet kettle

 ** _Chiara_** : 👀

 ** _Sombra_** : it's true, tho

 ** _Camilla_** : ...

 ** _Veronica_** : ... How about we just roast each other now?

 

 _ **gengu mada mada**  has joined the chat_.

 _ **jessai MACAREE**  has joined the chat_.

 _ **edge mcedgelordy so edgelordy**  has joined the chat_.

 

 ** _gengu mada mada_** : did I hear the word 'roast'?

 ** _edge mcedgelordy so edgelordy_** : ☕

 ** _jessai MACAREE_** : spill the tea, sis

 ** _Veronica_** : alright, everyone comfortable with getting roasted? 

 ** _Amelie_** : Oui.

 ** _Chiara_** : Oui.

 ** _Camilla_** : plagiarism...

 ** _Kass_** : I'll go first! 

 ** _Reggie_** : no, Kass, I want a turn 

 ** _Kass_** : ugh, fine, your roast is probably gonna be as weak as Camilla's hairline. 

 ** _Camilla_** : bitch, I will grind you into spaghetti and meatballs.

  ** _Chiara_** : really, author? did you really have to enforce negative stereotypes, like, not all Italian people eat spaghett-

 ** _Veronica_** : SOMEBODY TOUCHA MY SPAGHET!

 ** _Reggie_** : and we're back with the dead memes. Veronica, I'm sorry, I wasn't gonna roast you, but you just- I've lost all faith in humanity after that. 

 ** _Veronica_** : bish, go ahead. I see you.

 ** _Reggie_** : I see you too, hoe. how can I not with them bright ass roots? girl, you know you should be dyeing your roots a darker colour than your hair so that it looks natural. you look like you poured bleach over your hair, bitch get your tacky ass out of here. why does your hair look like watered down detergent?

 ** _Veronica_** : yo, you calling me tacky? look, fam, I don't know what kind of vintage 90's look you and Kass tryna to pull, but it's not looking good. you looking really rough, hun, that's all I'm saying. old wannabe Fresh Prince of Bel Air looking ass.

 ** _Camilla_** : when you realize you didn't do your roots. ;-;

 ** _Kass_** : don't drag my beautiful ass into this, Ronnie. but can I just point out that Camilla ain't using emojis? bitch, what is this ';-;'? some Illuminati gang sign? wouldn't surprise me, I'm pretty sure your gangster ass family have some connections. 

 ** _Kass_** : wait, now I know why you act like a snake, you're one of the reptilians. damn, it all makes sense now. 🐍

 ** _Sombra_** : can I get into the Illuminati too?

 ** _Doomfist_** : haven't you already hacked into it?

 ** _Sombra_** : nah, I'm too busy leaking evidence of Chiara bribing the FBI

 ** _Chiara_** : wait, what? 😳

 ** _gengu mada mada_** : FBI open up

 ** _Camilla_** : alright, whilst Chiara gets arrested, imma roast you, Kass.

 ** _jessai MACAREE_** : after what happened last time? 👀

 ** _Reggie_** : girl, do you want to get barbequed?

 ** _Camilla_** : I've learnt how to properly clap back

 ** _edge mcedgelordy so edgelordy_** : and by that she means she read some ratchet ass Reddit forum for two seconds.

 ** _Kass_** : guys, that roast wasn't even that good. chill. 

 ** _Kass_** : also, quick question, Jesse, do you listen to Old Town Road all the time?

 ** _jessai MACAREE_** : who the fuck doesn't?

 ** _Veronica_** : yo, not gonna lie Old Town Road is lit af. 🔥

 ** _gengu mada mada_** : I'm gonna take my cousin to the Alabaman road, I'm gonna riiide her til I can't no more 

 ** _Chiara_** : umm, guys, there are people knocking on my door.

 ** _Camilla_** : have fun in prison Chi-Chi. remember don't drop the soap!

 ** _Chiara_** : 😰

 ** _Doomfist_** : I can break you out of prison with my gauntlet if you want. 

 ** _Veronica_** : how about you break into my prison with your gauntlet? 😈🙃

 ** _Doomfist_** : ...

 

 ** _Doomfist_**   _has left the chat_.

 

 ** _Kass_** : Veronica, why? 

 ** _Camilla_** : yo, I still gotta roast you, Kass.

 

 _ **Doomfist**  has joined the chat_.

 

 ** _Veronica_** : you came back for me!!! 

 ** _Doomfist_** : I only came here to see Kass get roasted

 ** _Camilla_** : oof, rip Veronica and her thirsty ass

 ** _Veronica_** : 😢🥺

 ** _Kass_** : 😑

 ** _Camilla_** : ok, Kass, you ready? 

 ** _Kass_** : roast my ass harder than my mom already does.

 ** _Camilla_** : alrighty then. Kass, you're the type of person to say you're celibate to cover the fact that no-one will stick their hotdog in you.

 ** _Kass_** : bitch, it's called standards. it's the difference between being a classy bitch like me and some ratchet gutter whore that looks like a Goonies reject like you. 

 ** _Veronica_** : oh shit

 ** _Reggie_** :🔥

 ** _Amelie_** : Why isn't there a drinking tea emoji?

 ** _Sombra_** : I know right, I'm seriously considering blackmailing Google's Art and Design director.

 ** _Camilla_** : yo, Kass, I know you ain't talking with your tacky ass self. why did your outfit today look like cubist art, my gurl?

 ** _Kass_** : first, learn how to spell 'girl', you dingy hoe. second, bitch, you know damn well that outfit was looking fire today whilst you were looking like a hot mess. 

 ** _Kass_** : why did your weave look like a wet mop and why did your dress look like those cheap ass slutty schoolgirl outfits you find on the internet and you secretly want to buy to troll your friend but you don't want to give the website your credit card because you don't fully trust it. 

 ** _Kass_** : man, I don't know how the fuck your parents let you out the house looking like that. mine would have whooped my ass and sent me to a mental ward but to each their own. 🤷♀️

 ** _jessai MACAREE_** : umm, where did Chiara go?

 ** _gengu mada mada_** : she got arrested by the FBI 

 ** _Veronica_** : oh shit

 ** _edgelord mcedgelordy so edgelordy_** : what?

 ** _Veronica_** : she was my drug dealer. Ricardo's gonna kill me

 ** _Reggie_** : is it sad that I can't tell if it's a joke or not?

 ** _Kass_** : it's a Family Guy reference. 😐

 _ **Camilla**_ : oh that's why you have no brain cells left, because you watch that garbage show. 🙄

 ** _Kass_** : yo, I know your airhead ass ain't talking. teacher asks you what 1 + 1 is, bitch says 12. 

 ** _Kass_** : and because your daddy's some rich criminal, capitalism is going to make sure you live comfortably for the rest of your life, not having to have to be smart or work for anything. 🙄

 ** _jessai MACAREE_** : damn that's deep

 ** _Veronica_** : communist scum

 ** _Kass_** : oml...


	4. _ IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more shenanigans and a semblance of plot. you thought this story was non-linear? well guess again.

 

 

 ** _Camilla_** : I just realized how much of a bad bitch I am.

 ** _Veronica_** : Camilla, shut your ass up. how you a 'bad bitch' whilst simultaneously being roasted by everyone?

 ** _jessai MACAREE_** : you guys do realize that Chiara is in jail right now?

 ** _Camilla_** : good, her ass belongs in prison. throw Kass' ratchet ass in there too.

 ** _Veronica_** : hoe you're one to talk. how about you wait until the people you talk shit about come online to roast their asses, you spineless bitch?

 ** _Camilla_** : no comment.

 

 _ **Kass** has joined the chat_.

 

 ** _Kass_** : I heard you were talking shit about me. 

 ** _Camilla_** : no comment.

 ** _Veronica_** : roast her ass, Kass.

 ** _Kass_** : nah, I'm good. I actually wanted to introduce someone.

 

 _ **Mercedes**  has joined the chat_.

 

 ** _Mercedes_** : Hi. 

 ** _Veronica_** : no comment.

 ** _Camilla_** : sup, my gurl.

 ** _jessai MACAREE_** : Howdy, neighbour. I have to speak like a stereotypical cowboy because the author doesn't know how to write basic dialogue for a Southerner.

 

_**Amelie**  has joined the chat._

_**edge mcedgelordy so edgelordy**  has joined the chat._

_**gengu mada mada**  has joined the chat._

_**Sombra**  has joined the chat._

_**Doomfist**  has joined the chat._

_**Reggie**  has joined the chat._

 

 ** _Veronica_** : hi, daddy doom

 ** _Doomfist_** : imma just ignore you.

 ** _Mercedes_** : ha, Veronica got her ass roasted.

 ** _edge mcedgelordy so edgelordy_** : who the fuck are you?

 ** _Mercedes_** : I'm the new girl, Mercedes. 

 ** _Reggie_** : where you from, Mercedes?

 ** _Mercedes_** : I'm from London, I came out of the womb drinking tea and crumpets with the Queen.

 ** _Kass_** : you're too British to handle

 ** _Veronica_** : bitch, you British too

 ** _Kass_** : no, hoe, I am from the land of Jamaica aka Jamrock aka Jamdung. 

 ** _Veronica_** : fair enough

 ** _gengu mada mada_** : have you been in prison before?

 ** _Mercedes_** : no comment.

 ** _Veronica_** : this bitch has been in prison five times. once for trespassing, twice for a DUI, once for public nudity and twice again for public indecency.

 ** _Kass_** : damn son. wait, how the fuck you know that?

 

 _ **Chiara**  has joined the chat_. 

 

 ** _Camilla_** : who the fuck let you out of prison?

 ** _Chiara_** : um, I kinda escaped.

 ** _edge mcedgelordy so edgelordy_** : you escaped yet your first course of action was to come to this cancerous group chat? 

 ** _jessai MACAREE_** : 9999999999 IQ move

 ** _Chiara_** : yo, anyone willing to let me crash?

 ** _Veronica_** : well, me and Doomy are getting eloped so you can have my house once I move into his. 😊

 ** _Doomfist_** : ain't no way in hell that I am letting your insane, coo coo for cocoa puffs ass anywhere near my house. in fact, I'm filing a state-wide restraining order so don't think about coming anywhere near me or my Gucci mansion, bitch.

 ** _Kass_** : Veronica's wig has exited the realms of reality.

 ** _Veronica_** : you sure wasn't saying that when I was in the back of your car

 ** _Sombra_** : 🤨

 ** _Doomfist_** : bitch when?

 ** _Veronica_** : yesterday, in your Lamborghini

 ** _Doomfist_** : hmm, if I remember correctly. yesterday I was visiting my grandma. so I didn't have time for your ratchet ass.

 ** _Kass_** : Veronica? You gonna clap back?

 ** _Veronica_** : hold up, imma go find some receipts. I'll be right back

 

 _ **Veronica**  has left the chat_.

 

 ** _Camilla_** : okie.

 ** _edge mcedgelordy so edgelordy_** : let's not let this distract us from Chiara.

 **Camilla** : yeah, back to Chiara. tell me, how many times did you drop the soap, my gurl?

 ** _Chiara_** : Camilla, shut your ass up.

 ** _Camilla_** : tell me, Chiara, what were you in for - apart from bribing the FBI?

 ** _Kass_** : yo, can we stop with the prison talk? 

 ** _Sombra_** : Kassandra, weren't you in prison too for possession and distribution of marijuana? 

 ** _Reggie_** : yeah, Kass, what's up with that? 

 ** _Kass_** : I was not in possession of marijuana, I was not taking marijuana, I was not selling marijuana. I was just holding onto it for a friend.

 ** _edge mcedgelordy so edgelordy_** : bitch, that is possession of marijuana. 

 ** _Kass_** : I don't know why you guys are on my asses. I was acquitted of it so, in the eyes of the law, I am innocent.

 ** _edge mcedgelordy so edgelordy_** : ok, Kass, fair enough. 

 ** _Kass_** : the passive aggressiveness in this room is palpitating, Mr. Edgelord. 

 ** _edge mcedgelordy so edgelordy_** : Kass, don't you have some hippy, vegan meeting to attend?

 ** _Kass_** : I just got back.

 ** _Camilla_** : the sexual tension in this room is palpitating

 ** _Kass_** : how is that sexual tension, Cam? you're just salty because your crush thinks you're a hoe and doesn't want to be associated with a thot.

 ** _Chiara_** : so, is anyone going to let me stay at their house?

 ** _jessai MACAREE_** : I'll let you stay, you just gotta pay 'rent'. 😉

 ** _Chiara_** : preferably with someone who will not molest me in my sleep.

 ** _jessai MACAREE_** : I am offended.

 ** _Camilla_** : you didn't answer my question, Chi-Chi. what were you in prison for?

 ** _Sombra_** : possession of heroin and crack cocaine.

 ** _Chiara_** : fuck you, Sombra.

 ** _Sombra_** : you're very much welcome.

 ** _Camilla_** : and if my sources are correct, you reportedly tried to sell heroin and crack cocaine to a cop.

 ** _gengu mada mada_** : IQ on point 👌.

 ** _Chiara_** : he asked me if I had some

 ** _Reggie_** : and your dumb ass gave it to him?

 ** _Chiara_** : yo, I was high as fuck. I even had some crack under my nose and I had just smoked some shisha and shot up some heroin. I was on some good shit so I wasn't in the correct state of mind. 

 ** _Amelie_** : It seems like you're never in the correct state of mind.

 ** _Sombra_** : damn, you know it's bad when Smurfette is roasting you.

 ** _Chiara_** : Oh my gosh... Look, guys, I need somewhere to go. 

 ** _Camilla_** : come to my house. we got caviar and wine.

 ** _Chiara_** : kay, I'm coming over in like two minutes.

 ** _Sombra_** : damn, Camilla, why is your house so close to a prison and yet your druglord father is still walking free?

 ** _Reggie_** : It's called corruption, Olivia, surprised you haven't heard about it.

 ** _Sombra_** : don't call me that, hoe

 ** _Kass_** : Reggie's such a hoe, not even gonna lie

 ** _Reggie_** : bitch when?

 ** _Kass_** : when you let your English teacher rail you so you got an A. when you ate ass for crack money. when you were a stripper for a hot minute for no other reason than you thought it was fun. need I say more?

 ** _Reggie_** : Kass, shut your ass up. you just jel cause you still a virgin.

 ** _Kass_** : well, unlike you I do not submit to the sins of pleasure.

 ** _Reggie_** : right, let's just act like that's the truth

 

 _ **Veronica**  has joined the chat_.

 

 ** _Doomfist_** : ffs, not you again

 ** _Veronica_** : hi, baby. I got some spicy ass receipts.

 ** _Kass_** : bitch what took you so long?

 ** _Camilla_** : you know she was faking the DMs

 ** _Veronica_** : shut up bitches and enjoy

 

 _loading totally legitimate pictures_...

 

**_Veronica_** : anything you wanna say, Akande?

 ** _Doomfist_** : ...

 

 ** _TO BE CONTINUED_**...


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